Humans are not smarter than animals, just stupids
-Ediot
We can’t know it all. But do we know what we know and what we don’t know? There’s a wide gap between what we think we know and what we actually know. What we don’t know is far more relevant than what we know. For instance, we know that intelligence is not the same thing as rationality. We also know that human rationality is bounded by cognitive and environmental constraints. But we don’t know that it is also encircled by unbounded stupidity. Indeed, the most important limiting factor behind our irrationality is our limitless stupidity.
But first, why am I writing this stupid stuff? I’m Ediot and being an expert in stupidity, I feel it is my duty to make you aware of Mount Stupid, the world’s tallest mountain peak, many thousand feet higher than Mount Everest.
So, is this something about scaling Mount Stupid? No, it isn’t. How can you climb something when you are already sitting on top of it? Unlike climbing other mountain peaks, ascending Mount Stupid comes naturally to homo-sapiens. The Sapiens species conquered the mountain of stupidity ages back. The entire history is nothing but a report about human idiocy.
Only two things are infinite, universe and human stupidity and I’m not sure about the former –Einstein
Often, ignorance is equated with stupidity. Ignorance is not bad per se. In fact, selective ignorance is a blessing in a world of chaos. But being ignorant about ignorance is problematic. The problem worsens when we turn this ignorance into a vocation.
No one can become truly wise without knowing the bounds of their stupidity. In order to climb Mt Wisdom, one has to first descend from Mt Stupid. But can’t we simply jump from one peak to another? No, stupid! this shortcut will not work, because you might fall into the valley of insanity. First of all, everyone is not eligible to undertake this expedition. To qualify, you need to pass a test. This is required because the descent is very steep and slippery and one has to navigate through the valley of despair which is full of darkness. If you survive this, you can start your enlightenment journey by gradually scaling Mt Wisdom.
Hence, I have designed a simple test to help you know whether you’re ready for the odyssey. Here’s an intelligent conversation about stupidity between Santa Singh, a journalist from the publication The Faking Times, and Banta Singh, the president of The Stupidity Club. They discuss Cristiano Ronaldo, Mahatma Gandhi, God, evolution, ethics, economics, politics, stupidity, and much more. After you finish reading it, there’s one question thrown at you to determine your eligibility. So, best of luck to everyone taking this broad test of stupidity quotient (SQ).
SS: What’s the height of God?
BS: We don’t know yet. But for sure, it must be a few inches less than that of Jinping, Modi, and Putin.
SS: Who came first: Adam or Manu?
BS: The jury is still out on this. Archaeologists have discovered many amazing and unexplained artifacts. The OOPArts (out-of-place artifacts) is evidence that we have a lot to discover about the prehistoric period, human evolution, and the first man. But, we are not losing hope and have constituted a special team of archaeologists for seeking divine intervention in this matter. We’re hopeful that controversy will be resolved before humans go extinct.
SS: What’s the difference between East India Company and Facebook?
BS: The East India Company came from England while Facebook is from the United States.
SS: Name the only thing which AI will never be able to analyze and comprehend?
BS: Women’s Pakistan’s psychology
SS: What is the main role of opposition in a democracy?
BS: To decry every move of the government
SS: Why the word science is added in political science or social science?
BS: Because these are more scientific and exact than the biological and physical sciences. While science is evolving with each passing day, human behavior remains more or less the same since Adam (Or, say Manu) started the civilization.
SS: Can you summarize the world in a single sentence?
BS: I think you’re talking about the world of Homo sapiens. As the Earth revolves around the Sun, the world of humans revolves around the mirage created by the quintet of religion, politics, celebrities, social media, and business corporations. Put another way, humans are entangled in the cobweb woven by the humans for the humans.
SS: Ok, talking about celebrities and the world of business….what’s your take on Ronaldo’s sudden and unsuspecting move to take the Coke off the table?
BS: Perhaps it was love for his son which made him do it. He gets p*ssed off when his son drinks Coca-Cola; so he was just trying to take the fizz out of Coke. Anyway, there’s nothing official about it.
SS: Don’t you think this controversy can make a big dent in the sales of all the dirty stuff?
BS: You incorrigible idiot! Don’t you know the world is full of assholes? Even Adam could not resist the temptation to eat the forbidden fruit from the garden of Eden.
SS: But won’t this stupid act of Ronaldo turns the tables on brand endorsements by celebrities?
BS: Oh, you silly Santa, how can you call it stupid? Indeed, this was his best goal ever. Do you know Ronaldo has become Instagram’s highest-earning individual and charges around $1.6 million per sponsored post? He has already surpassed 550 million followers across social media platforms Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
Forget endorsement, now brands will be more concerned about de-endorsements and would start paying the celebrities for it. Hence, celebrity brands will make money both ways: for endorsing brands as well as for not de-endorsing brands. In other words, he has expanded the market size of celebrity brands which will compensate for their limited shelf life.
SS: Really amazing! But how much hush money will be paid to celebrities to keep mum?
BS: The $4 billion loss in the market cap of Coca-Cola will become a benchmark. Hence, the higher the market cap, the higher will the hush money.
SS: Why do business brands sign multi-million dollars endorsement contracts with celebrities?
BS: Celebrities become brands when millions of morons become their followers; the higher the fan following, the higher is their brand ratings. They are worshipped like demi-gods by their stupid fans. The corporations exploit their celebrity status to boost the value of business brands. The throwing of filthy amounts of money shows the influencing power of celebrity brands. A single nudge by the celebrities is enough to make their stupid followers consume all sorts of stuff they don’t need in the first place. Ultimately, both business and celebrity brands owe their filthy valuation to our collective stupidity as consumers.
SS: But is it ethical for a celebrity to encourage consumerism by taking unsuspecting and gullible stupids for a ride?
BS: In nature, there’s nothing good or bad. The law of Jungle is that mighty rules over the meek. And the law of civilizations is that everyone is equal but some are more equal than others. The ‘more equals’ are called the haves and equals are called have-nots. By implication, the haves has the inherent right to exploit the have-nots. And ethics is a fictional tool designed for the very purpose and therefore applies only to have-nots. And never forget that money is the biggest fiction created by humans which makes the mare go.
SS: Hmm…you mean to say that ‘business ethics’ is also an oxymoron.
BS: C’mon idiot! Be practical! Of course, it is. If not, most of the business will have to down the shutters. Taking ethics seriously means jeopardizing your own existence. And if all the corporations shut down, there would be large-scale unemployment and economic depression. And tell me, what would happen to Berkshire Hathaway Inc.? Where would Warren Buffet invest and what nuggets of wisdom he would offer in his annual letter to shareholders?
SS: Wow, this seems to be quite interesting, but wait! The economic theory says that the government can take various policy measures to recover from the recession.
BS: Yes, quite possible. Employ half of the unemployed to dig holes and another half to fill them up.
SS: But can’t the government just hand over the money to the unemployed?
BS: It is economics stupid! That way GDP won’t increase and isn’t it equally important to keep the stupids engaged?
SS: And how the government is supposed to finance it?
BS: It’s damn easy! Printing money just doesn’t cost anything; but in case the paper is in short supply, just double the taxes on fossil fuels.
SS: I think the better alternative would be to request Richard Thaler to nudge business behavior in the right direction.
BS: No stupid, that won’t help. Richard Thaler’s nudging techniques capitalize on judgemental heuristics (mental shortcuts) to influence only our system1 thinking (automatic thinking). It can only fool stupids but can’t influence business syndicates. Unethical business, politics, and religion are a much deep-rooted problem and are part of system 2 thinking (analytical thinking).
Instead of self-nudge, corporations employ nudge marketing to deliberately manipulate how choices are presented to consumers. The modern marketing tricks have become increasingly more subliminal and insidious, overwhelming our stupid senses. The Coke episode is all about business marketing using subtle interventions to influence customers’ choices mostly in the wrong direction.
SS: But once again what is the root cause of this unethical behavior?
BS: Human world is fueled by capitalism. It has become the new religion much more powerful than all other conventional religions. And the capitalist model requires endless economic growth; either continue to grow or perish. As there are limits to ethical growth, the only survival mechanism is unethical growth. And we have yet to find a better alternative.
But don’t worry, the China model seems to be the way out. Just see how successfully it has blended communism with capitalism. And that’s the reason it has emerged as the new hegemon. Right now, a trial run of this new model is going on in Hongkong. Once it is successful, China will make sure the whole world adopts it. Modi and Putin are also quite impressed and excited about using it.
It is easier to imagine an end of the world than to imagine the end of capitalism –Fredric Jameson and Slovoj Zizek
SS: Agreed, there’s no alternative to capitalism. But, can’t we find a substitute for toilet paper?
BS: It is perhaps a travesty of nature that, unlike other animals, we humans need to clean our butts. Anyhow, rinsing the anus and inner buttocks with water is far better and more hygienic than using toilet paper.
And let me tell you a secret. This is a golden opportunity for the Biden administration to show climate leadership and prove to the world that Americans do care about the environment. Yes, it’s time for Biden to bid for the bidets. The U.S. government should take the help of Facebook to nudge its citizens to start using bidets instead of tissue paper. It can also subsidize the purchase of bidets. And Mark Zuckerberg would happily do the bidding because this act will provide a natural glow to his face and boost the credentials of social media as a tool for social change.
SS: By the way, who’s Mark Zuckerberg?
Ans: C’mon Santa, don’t tell me you never heard of one of the most powerful idiots in the world. He’s the spoiled brat who wants to rule this world.
SS: Now that you discussed China’s unique developmental model, I’m curious to know the hidden agenda behind its three-child policy when the planet earth is already weighed down by the sheer number of stupids.
BS: Perhaps this is an attempt to reduce China’s per capita carbon emissions. Another plausible explanation is that Jinping can’t stand India overtaking China to become world number one in anything except the Covid-19 tally.
SS: But isn’t India lagging behind the US in Covid-19 numbers?
BS: Santa, I don’t expect you to ask me such silly questions. Even God knows that while the world’s covid numbers are underestimated by a factor of two to five, India’s official Covid fatality figures are understated by a factor of ten to fifteen. Let’s call it the largest data massacre in the history of India. The dynamics of this strategy can be summed up in the following three quotes Modi learned during his school days: First, A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic (Joseph Stalin). Second, There are three types of lies: lies, damn lies, and stats (Benjamin Disraeli). Third, Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are pliable (Mark Twain).
SS: Ok, got it! What do you have to say about the US pullout from the Afghanisthan?
BS: There was not much action on the ground. So, this became necessary to give a fillip to the US defense industry.
SS: Now that you have spewed so much wisdom, maybe you can also shed some light on other strategic tools being employed by corporations to create the matrix world.
BS: Sure, there are many such tools in the arsenal of corporations. For instance, there’s a tobacco strategy. It’s about the use of bad science to discredit good science and mislead policymakers, regulators, and stupids. The strategy was successfully used by Big Tobacco for many decades to deny the health dangers of smoking by creating doubts that the link between smoking and lung cancer was highly dubious and not causal. The alibi given was that it was necessary to protect individuals’ freedom of choice. And now despite so many court rulings against it, the tobacco industry still remains formidable.
Likewise, Big Food, Big Soda, and Big Alcohol employ the same strategy for keeping the stupids in dark about the dangers of consuming unhealthy products. The modus operandi is to deliberately suppress, manipulate and undermine the scientific evidence.
SS: Hey, let’s not get too serious. Ok, enough of economics…let’s move on and talk about Mahatma Gandhi. Supposing he comes back to life, what would be his first utterance?
BS: Simon come back!
SS: And afterward….his moment of realization?
BS: If you can’t change them, join ‘em! Why waste time changing yourself?
SS: And the name of his next autobiography.
BS: The Story of My Experiments with Untruth.
SS: What will a Gandhian writer do if he can’t find a refill for his ball-point pen?
BS: He would simply give up the writing.
SS: Now coming to the topic of stupidity, how many stupids are members of your club?
BS: Everybody is a member of the stupidity club and there’s nothing to be ashamed of in being stupid. Irrespective of the IQ, occasionally everyone acts in a stupid manner and this is quite human. But as the membership is free, most of us want to retain it for life and that’s where the problem lies.
SS: Does man is born stupid or acquires it during the growing-up stage?
BS: That’s a good question! Now, you seem to be getting wiser. No, we are not born idiots. The children are really wise, curious, and sensitive. We adults force them to acquire permanent membership of the stupidity club. It starts when the children are not allowed to question the sacred truths about religion, nation, society, history, etc. Gradually, they stop thinking and start believing whatever is told to them. By the time kids come out of schools or colleges, they are converted into die-hard stupids. Stupidity is exactly like a Black Hole. Once you cross the event horizon, you get sucked by it. It is easy to enter but has no way to exit because the gravitational pull is so strong that nothing, not even light, can escape it.
SS: Do you think mankind will ever succeed in finding a cure for idiocy?
BS: You are talking about freeing stupids—who’ve never been outside and have no clue that their present lives are rife with illusion—from the Matrix world. No, it is a human destiny because human intelligence is working against humanity. Sapiens are suffering from the curse of collective stupidity; Or better say, the curse of the golden wheat.
Even otherwise, it is better that they remain inside the Matrix— the world of blissful ignorance—because if some Neo does succeed in making them swallow the red pill and getting them extracted from the Matrix world, they would go simply go insane. And exploiting stupids is far easier than managing lunatics.
Dinosaurs went extinct due to a natural cause but mankind will go extinct due to its own deeds. Nonetheless, I remain a die-hard optimist. There seems to be one possible cure; if we can wind the clock back and erase some of the past mistakes. But tell me, who will invent the time machine? Google is embroiled in the anti-trust litigations; Elon Musk is busy supporting cryptocurrencies in their battle against fiat money and Jeff Bezos is engaged in fulfilling his childhood dream of Working from Space (WFS).
SS: You seem to have forgotten Jack Ma.
BS: Please call him Jack Pa (Ma sounds far too feminist). How can anybody forget him? Actually, right now he is being groomed for the top job…getting trained in some undisclosed location under the direct mentorship of Jinping.
SS: And Bill Gates. There’s a lot of speculation about why Bill and Melinda are parting ways. Can you shed some light on this mystery?
BS: Shhhhh! this is the best-kept secret of the Gates Foundation. They were getting on well; the only thing they could not agree upon was that Melinda wanted the Gates Foundation to collaborate with Google for the Time Machine project while Bill was insisting on tying up with Big Pharma to replace the manufacture of blue pills with the artificial red pills (the original one grows only on the hills of Mount Wisdom).
On a serious note, my gut feel says that Bill is the only man we can pin our hopes on to eradicate stupidity from this planet.
SS: Let’s wrap this discussion with one last serious question: Is there any lesson that humans can learn from Coronavirus?
BS: The only lesson from history is that we never learn anything from it. Nonetheless, the Covid-19 teaches us two lessons: First, that evolution is a random process and there’s no intelligent design (with or without a designer). Second, that intelligence is highly overrated. Hence, know thyself and know thy stupidity.
SS: And the moral of this discussion.
BS: This whole narrative is meant to drive home the message about the epidemic of mass stupidity, and also to enlighten the stupids that idiocy of the stupids, by the stupids, for the stupids shall not perish from the earth.
Barbad gulistaan karne ko bas ek hi ullu kaafi tha
Har shaakh pe ullu baitha hai anjam-e-gulistan kya hoga –Shauq Bahraichi
Finally, here’s a million-dollar question for you: Did you enjoy the witty banter between the two old friends? If yes, congrats! you have successfully passed the stupidity test and have the potential to descend from Mount Stupid. And if no, please don’t lose hope and read this blog a bit more seriously casually to get a feel of thy stupidity. Better luck next time.
[P.S. To date, nobody has succeeded in reaching the peak of Mount Wisdom. But nothing to worry about because the journey in itself is so fascinating and full of surprises that you won’t mind the climb and will eventually forget about reaching the peak. In the process, you will become an explorer and would come across many beautiful valleys and meadows.]
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